Call me an underachiever.
I’m perfectly fine with that.
Because, while I love science, there are many many other loves of my life. I did not get straight A’s through college. I did not attend every lecture, over prepare for every exam, or dedicate enough of my time to each project to get the best grade.
I have made conscious, calculated decisions about what I will and will not sacrifice for my studies. I left padding for bombed tests. I did well enough. I did my best. But my best comes with an asterisk. My best is what I can do and still be happy and sane. I’m not one of those gunner robots. I don’t live and die with my grades. For a recovering perfectionist like me, this was a hard lesson to learn.
I know that I could have gotten a 4.0 in college. But would I have enjoyed it? No. Some people can do a 4.0 and enjoy their life. I am not one of those people. It would require more studying for me than anything else. Studying I was not willing to do. Parts of my life I was not willing to give up for an A.
I gave up some points to tuck my favorite girls in their beds on the weekends.
I did poorly on some exams so that I could drive to other states, see a show, and drive back instead of studying.
I skipped class so I could go home and have my parents hug me and tell me that I was enough no matter how badly I was getting my butt kicked in college.
I stayed up late watching shows and browsing Pinterest and eating popcorn because that’s what I have to do to still be a pleasant person.
I ran and laughed and played and slept in instead of reading every last assigned page of organic chemistry.
Sure, it made for some pretty high pressure “buckle down and study” days than if I had been more diligent the whole way through. But I kinda liked the highs and lows as opposed to a moderate amount of studying each and every day.
I don’t regret what I did. As a Pre-med, I knew it was going to be a long road. If you don’t find a way to enjoy your life in between, you can easily start to see becoming a doctor as putting your life on hold for 10+ years. And who wants to do that?
So, going into medical school- I love medicine. Probably even more than I love science in general-because science includes geology and physics and organic and I just have no interest in that crap. I love medicine and human health so much, that I will not fail at whatever direction I go.
But….The Life in Between
I still love so many other things. I do not have a desire to be a gunner. I do not want to be the top of my class. I don’t want the best score on my boards.
I want to take walks with the people I love, build relationships, and learn even more about the human experience. I want to see every school program and dance recital my girls are a part of. I want to stay up all night and flunk a test the next morning to watch a meteor shower with my friends. I want to drive across the country on a whirlwind road trip to see my favorite band.
I’m going to love medical school, but I’m going to love the life in between even more.